Why tolerate singing parasites when machines don't need "emotional support"?
Productivity Boost
*After elf replacement
Cookie Budget
*Machines don't stress eat
Operation Time
*No "mental health" days
Holiday Songs
*Pure, blessed silence
of elf time wasted on "feelings"
lost to cookie "benefits"
actual work between songs
Date: Dec 1, 2023
"Found entire workshop having 'group therapy' because someone called them 'vertically challenged.' Production at complete standstill. Suggested they try growing - now they're all crying."
- Head of Elf Resources
Date: Dec 15, 2023
"Entire night shift caught having 'emotional healing circle.' When questioned, claimed it was 'essential for toy quality.' Meanwhile, PS5 backlog hits 1 million units."
- Factory Oversight
Date: Dec 20, 2023
"Uncovered massive cookie trafficking operation. Elves trading premium gingerbread for 'extended carol breaks.' Ringleader claims they're 'essential nutrients.' Implementing mandatory drug testing."
- Security Division
"Replaced entire elf workforce with robots. Productivity up 800%. No more 'jingle breaks' or 'group hugs.' Pure, efficient silence."
- North Pole Automation Division
"Implemented full automation. Cookie budget reduced to zero. No more 'emotional support reindeer' needed. Just cold, beautiful efficiency."
- Toy Production Manager
"100% elf-free for 6 months. No singing, no crying, no 'height discrimination' lawsuits. Just pure profit."
- Operations Director
Ready to eliminate inefficiency? Our automation solutions are 100% elf-free and guaranteed to increase productivity.
$99K
$299K
$999K